With a Little Help from My Friends

From my first post, you might draw the wrong conclusion about my husband. His reaction to my becoming Diversity Coordinator was so remarkable to me because, usually, he is very supportive.

They say you need a supportive spouse to do what I do, and it's true. Of course, it's also an overstatement--it is possible to be both a single mother and a professional, but that's a whole different level of hard. Having a supportive spouse -- someone who shares the cooking and the child shuttling and coordinates work travel schedules with you -- certainly makes a tremendous difference.

My husband does do and share all of those things, and he deserves lots of credit. But why don't I deserve a lot of credit too? The "supportive spouse" conversation is universally one-directional. It is always the female professional who is saying, "I could not do it without the support. I am so lucky to have a husband who . . . . " When my male colleagues travel on business or take a client out for dinner, no one leans across the table and asks who is with the kids, following up with, "You know, you are so fortunate that your wife helps out so much around the house." And the oddest thing is, nearly twenty years as a lawyer and thirteen as a mother, and this disparity has only just occurred to me. Now, that's ingrained!